Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
