i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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