Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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