You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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