ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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