$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
