My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
