pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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