were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
