Please, let me fuck your mom
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
