They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
