Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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