I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
