dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
