So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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