i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Randomize
