he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You can't just leave with hair like that
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize