Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
