I am midnight drunk by noon
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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