areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
