I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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