I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
