She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
