Sober January is a disaster.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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