can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
