So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
