so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
