I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
