His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
