He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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