I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
