the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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