they need to just BURY HIM!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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