remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
