..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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