4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Plan B is the new Plan A
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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