Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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