do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
