when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
