Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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