im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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