So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
