Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
BRING THE BAGELS
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
