he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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