I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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