my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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