Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
