During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
soo... how was my night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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