we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
