I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
where am i from again
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
