It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
