morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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