My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
