I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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