its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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