Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
