one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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