Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just puked most of my soul out..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
