Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
