you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize