mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
