Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
