Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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