one might say we're banned from that church
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
