"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How naked do you want me to be?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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