she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
