I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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