There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
