bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
