I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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