When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
