Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
